So I could mention the FABULOUS summer we have been having...how K-dog is turning into to some sort of girman (girl +woman) ....or how Baby J has stolen my heart...such a different bond with a monkey climbing animal....the sweetass wine cruise I went one....maybe how excited I am about the changes we have made to our house....the stresses of motherhood....the Anniversary trip we are taking (not even out of the state don't get too excited!)
But NO I will jump in full steam ahead with the letter that arrived at my house today...a letter from our health care provider that MY FAVORITE LOVE OF MY LIFE DOCTOR MCSTEAMY was leaving...no reasons given...no personal note from him ....(in my head I was his favorite patient !) WHAT WILL ID O WITHOUT HIM?
It is a sign to me I am done having kids...after two miscarriages I looked him square in the face and told him there seem to be many things I can do to GET pregnant...that is not my problem...I CAN'T STAY pregnant!!!! He saved me....he believed in me....he gave me Baby J!
I thought I would just KNOW...if I was done...I think I will be 90 and my uterus will quiver at the sight of a newborn...but DONE DONE? In my mind I know I am would not be a good mom to 2 YOUNG DEMANDING kids...and how much of that takes away form Kdog's emerging into a preteen with new demands and needs and HELL I WOULD LIKE TO GET ON AIRPLANE SOON!
I never wanted to be that 45 old mother the first day of preschool ( not that I care what others do) we are blessed with an amazing daycare provider, but it comes with a hefty price tag...I think we would have to sell the house to have 2 in daycare...
SO ANYWAY! There is it is ! My in the moment feelings....I told my husband I may not be able to eat after reading letter I was so depressed...(HA!)
SIDEBAR: Why don't I use our real names? Is Stalker really going to think we are THAT fascinating out of the 45-4096-569 5-67 blogs out there...
