Teachbroeck

I wanted to post how calm and amazing peaceful I felt today.
I Don't. I can't take a full breath and I feel like I have creatures in my tummy.
I cried for an hour last night. I felt so good. I have been pregnant (as far as I now) for 2.5 months and have barely told anyone or celebrated the possible life inside of me.
I have 50/50 change of another dream or another emotional blow.
My ultrasound is at 2:30...I have no strong VIBE good or bad...which is so unlike me.
I guess it is expected that all this has changed me. I just can't let it kill my spirit.

Cheap crap makes her happy.

Eating: I know it looks chinsy, but we were suppose to ROAST the hot dogs and mellows on the OPEN FIRE....FUN! ADVENTUROUS! BARN FIRES from wind gusts! So yha I made them on the stove.

CROCS, Flip Flops and tennies...a sure sign to run!

DA GIRLS...which I was hoping most of their faces would be covered with the mega phones.

HSM Cake

Tomorrow you turn 8 baby girl...I hope I can think of something important to say. I love you to Zena and back.

We used to say Jupiter because it was so far away, but being the smartay she is -we know now Jupiter got demoted to a planetiod.

Just sent to J DOG:
"Dear husband. there is going to be a mess when we get home. the windows are open. I hope you get there first because I might cry otherwise. Yours truly YOUR WIFE"

We just had a torrential downpour.
Happy Monday.

PS I have a new therapist: KAYNE WEST go here to listen to here his to words of wisdom...
I am still trying to work through the " YOU CAN BE MY BLACK KATE MOSS TONIGHT" part...but the rest is all good.

I never thought Bloggin would overflow into my real life, but that lasted a couple months. THEN I started to mentally note...I should BLOG THIS! I have always loved taking pictures, but all of a sudden I started taking pictures of random things ....all the time...in order to ENHANCE my blog. I wanted a T-shirt that said "I am not CRAZY this shot if for my blog!"


Anyway this reared its Internet head the other day:

J, K and I had run a quick errand and simply tied the dog up to the deck. (He is SOO rowdy and loves to run away, chase cars, dig holes, follow farm equipment....so for his safety and our neighbors sanity we keep him in a HUGE out door kennel while we are gone)...so we had to leave shortly after both J and I had got home from work to get groceries ...I felt bad putting him back in the kennel so we tied him up...SAFE but not penned up.

We return 45 minutes later and our small glass patio table was on the Opposite part of the patio crashed through the bottom of our DECK! I stopped in my tracks when I saw the mess...HOW IN THE HELL DID HE MANAGE THAT ONE??? The only thing I could thing of is that his rope got stuck around the table leg and he swung it around....

I went inside to get the camera but when I came out Jdog had already removed the table!

ME: PUT IT BACK!

HIM: WHAT?

ME: Put the table back through the deck!

HIM: WHAT for? I am trying to fix this!

ME: For my blog of course! Ummm..because No one will believe us if we just tell them!

HIM: I am not repositioning the table back through the deck hole!

ME: Fine! There goes my readers!

The table (in its original position) was on the OPPOSITE side of where it ended up. The dog was chained to a leash by the steps.

You still love me right?

Anyway I apologize for not getting the true picture. I guess when life gives you messes Bloggers take photos.

You may be sick of it...but me? No I am still festering with wonder. I FEEL BETTER. That is bad! I want to feel SHITTAY. I want to feel nauseous. I want food to taste so foreign in my mouth that the thought of every eating again makes my stomach turn. I felt that way until Sunday. Now I don't. I want the night sickness that I had with Kdog to return and force me to curl on the couch and moan every 24 minutes. At least then I would now you are still here. Is 8 weeks a common time for morning/night ( I get night sickness) to go away?

You don't know how much the idea of being a human coffin scares me.

My job is great...I am starting a new adventure.
Kdog is amazing. There are no words for how I feel about her.
Marriage is work, but rewarding.
I have better friends now than ever...true, loving, supportive women I adore.
God shows me his face in many ways even though I don't sit in the pew anymore.
BUT: I Still Want You.
Being grateful for what you have does not mean you can't want for more.
Craving your heartbeat does not lessen my endearment for Kdog
Everybody has their hole to fill.
10 more days.

Last weekend we indulged Kdog in her birthday present from Jdog. It is an upscale Chuckee Cheese if you will. On a beautiful Saturday we took her and a friend to spend obnoxious amounts of money on useless games to save paper tickets that she spent on a fart maker. REALLY. Even with thousand of tickets you could only buy a stale gummy worm or a plastic piece of junk. Of course the had Wii and PlayStation 2 for 30580394860945860239485 tickets. I guess if I spent every day at ACTION CITY, I might begin to save up, but umm I work and have a life so NO!


I was impressed by:



- the VERY friendly staff



-the very CLEAN machines



-the YUMMY pizza for dirt cheap



-the lack of waiting ...at all...before lunch we had the joint to ourselves...which didn't make for the best bumper car rally but ....even as we left in the late afternoon I didn't feel like I did at I did at Valley Fair KID CLAUSTROPHOBIC!!!



-Never once did I have a headache form cartoony overplayed music



-never did I feel the urge to shower off the layer of kid grime



-KDOG LOVED IT



THE BEST THING WAS THIS:

MAZE: Great time to relax and watch my daughter act like a lab rat.

Some virtual roller coaster

This MACHINE is actually sucking the tickets in because ain't no way I was counting them all up!

Hope you had fun K.....

Birthday part 2 includes: Only half the girls I had last year. Bonfire (no kids in my damn kitchen!!) High School Musical 2 crap. and One sleepover girl of MY choice. That is next Friday.

15 more days....it is all I can think about.

CONSUMPTION is very tiring.

My family and friends are benefiting from my restlessness because I have been shopping online for expensive Christmas gifts all week.

My boobs ache.

HAPPY WEEKEND ALL!!! The countdown begins until Sept. 28 when I have my 10 week apt to hear the heartbeat...THEN I will celebrate. 21 days to a dream.

KDog and her new Cheetah Girl backpack....this was taken at the end of the day yesterday...thus the sweat and flyaway hair!

Mom and KDog....teach and student....look at my hair after all day in the HOTBOX I like to call my room!

My treat for surviving the first day!

Maybe there really is a such a thing as TOO big?

I really should change my profile age from 32 to 33....

K.B. prompted a new question in my mind.
I would love to know how you all (can I say y'all if I am NOT from the south...even remotely?) feel about booze and pregnancy. I am not talking a bottle of Windsor in the back alley here..
I never EVER had a drop of alcohol with while pregnant with Kdog. I gasped when I saw various aunts or friends sip a beer while they were incubating. BUT NOW I wonder. Does a glass of wine or a beer really hurt anything? Am I changing my mindset because.....
1.I don't have the will power to NOT have a glass? ( My father is an alcoholic and trust me I like to get my drink on when the time is right, but after 10 years of drinking I am not one)
2. I am stressed. (insert Jeopardy them song here)
3. I am doubting the longevity of this pregnancy.
4. I am bitter of the bachelorette parties, hunting season (and you all thought it was for the men!), holidays and parties I didn't/couldn't drink and then lost the babies anyway.

I don't know...I mean CRACK addicts have babies....that is abuse in my mind ....alcohol abusers have babies with FAS....

Is a glass of wine okay the first trimester but not the second or third? I think I would have a hard time heaving my 8 month stomach up to a bar and saying give me a beer!

THOUGHTS????
THIS COULD BE ME