K dog and the librarian's daughter are in the library playing while I "WORK". We agreed to let them come to school today because the get along so well. They spent the morning up in my room playing school and on the computer. I can't believe she is in third grade. Which BTW I am the third grade teacher....send drugs. The really good ones. She will go to a shared teacher for the core classes so we both get a break. Thank god she is a bright girl who has always done well so I don't get pegged for inflating her grades. I am sure I will be a bit more tired at the end of the day with her in my class....but what a memorable experience. I just need to be careful not to say "Young lady when we get home....." And she won't be able to say "BUT MOMMMMMMMM!)
Anyway....
I'm pregnant. Again.
It seems nonexistent this time...the pictures of the test, the phone calls, the excitement....Don't get me wrong we want ....CRAVE a baby...but being pregnant twice last year and losing both took its toll. God has given me a huge dose of grace and due to other things in my life I truly love what I have, cherish my daughter, appreciate my husband, adore my friends and family. That said I am not sure how to FEEL about this. I know how I want to feel....just not yet.
The first time was so exciting and new ....then with NO CLUE so tragic to find out right there in the ultrasound room expecting to hear a heartbeat.
The second time pissed me off. I had the "Lifetime Movie' bleeding and was bitter cause I had been "THINKING POSITIVE" (FYI NEVER tell a women to RELAX when they are trying for a baby...fuck that you RELAX you stop thinking about a creature you want so bad it hurts...you separate sex from conception....you go RELAX after 15 home pregnancy test....Try relaxing when every time you piss you wait to see blood)
Anyway....when I told Jdog this time I cried....I couldn't help it....I don't think I can go through hospital stay, needles, surgery, and the LOOKS...the pathetic looks that you want to SLAP OFF PEOPLE'S FACES. -which is why I am writing this....because only the closest people to me in the world know or will know..and I am sparing Kdog on this one...
So I am 5 weeks...I am taking baby aspirin to avoid clots (not that is what caused the other 2) and progesterone suppositories (and no they don't go in your ass) for added hormones (not that is what caused the other 2) Whatever.
Please still love me through my NUMB stage....we will go in 4 weeks for a vitality test...then maybe MAYBE a congrats will be okay...all prayers and thoughts welcomed but not WHOWHOWHOOO! CONGRATS A BABY WHOWHOOO I guess sadly that will have to wait...but let me tell you if this fetalbug makes it 12 weeks we are going to party like it 1999!
OK - I should have read before I saw I'm pregnant and commented.
I'm so sorry for your losses. You'll be in my thoughts that everything goes well and you stay healthy.
Loving you no matter what!!! I am glad you're going back to work (Did I just lose you?) because I've missed you this summer!! I'm excited that you'll be back online. I want to see pictures of your classroom . . .I love seeing different classrooms (and mosly because I like to steal good ideas!!)
I'm not teaching full time this year . . . just teaching art at CC's school and doing lots of volunteer work. She'll be going to Middle School next year, so I won't have all of the volunteer opportunities anymore . . . then I will go back fulltime. (I can't wait actually!)
Take care and have a great day!!!
P.S. Good Luck having your cutie patootie daughter in your class. I'm sure it will be a wonderful experience that you will cherish forever.
how awesome is it that kdog is in your class? and i totally would use the "young lady!" on her, kids are afraid of teachers!
and...patiently waiting w/you, cant wait to party like 1999!
=)
I am praying...always have been...always will be.
STEPH- Thank you...don't feel bad! It felt really good to post about it..
MIXED UP ME- Good luck back at school!!! I admire you as an art teacher photography is my only outlet...I don't even like crayons!
OBE-I am thinking 2008 better watch its back!! =)
Smangie- I know!!! THANK YOU FRIEND!!
"partly like it's 1999..." Minus the drinking, eh? :-p
I KNOW KB! I never drank with Kdog...but I have been tempted lately to have a glass of wine or a beer....I don't NEED booze I just like it!
I'll be ready to party like it's 2008 with ya!
Sending good wishes your way